I didn't think I'd be back here again. Figuratively, emotionally, literally, ironically.
I'm so weary, it seeps through my bones, and this heart pain has slowed to a dull throb. I didn't find the sharp pains of other boys evident each time he broke my heart, but instead, I stooped to pick up the pieces, already lined with glue and strained by the bonds of rubber cement. I want to say I was so reluctant to see everything manifest in front of me, but honestly, I jumped without a second thought. It was everything that I wanted and more, was it not? I finally caught the only fish in the sea for me, and I thought I was perfectly capable to handling things on my own. I didn't anticipate that he actually didn't have feelings for me.
I guess I should have listened to him the last hundred times he told me that in high school.
So where am I now? I'm in the suburbs of a fake city that make me crave my own cobblestone streets, one dollar coffee vendors, and a subway system that actually comes more than once every twenty minutes. I'm doing so poorly in school, I lost elections for a club that I cherish more than anything, and I'm floating in a sorority that I can't find myself contributing in. I dance for more hours that are deemed necessary, and I'm basically best friends with a girl who my first impression of was that she looked exactly like Chloe. Times have changed. Not really. I'm still petty as hell.
But what's left is that I still have my "besty" back at home and my best guy friend keeping court together at the same school. The pseudo best friend is unknowingly still wrecking havoc in my life with her outlandish and selfish proposals and the best friend who I kissed for quarters in the rain has moved on to other cute little, abnormal, personality wrecked girls.
What I mean to ask is what has changed, and what hasn't? Has college changed my personality, or rather, has it brought the spotlight down on parts of me that haven't been so glaring before? What sort of people do I gravitate to? Upon who do I pour my attention upon, and who have I left in the dust? Am I a true urbanite, carrying around the introduction "Hi, I'm from NYC" like a mantle, or am I a poser trotting around with designer accessories, rocking Jordans and hypebeast apparel.
Then I pose this question to you, the future me of be it a few seconds or a few years - who am I? Who am I to become?
